As usual on a Monday morning I found myself on a Eurostar train bound for Paris. Following spending the majority of Sunday afternoon in the pub I can say that my head was not as fresh as it usually is. Fortunately on this journey I was not placed behind a loud businessman or anyone who had a repetitive drum and bass tune that would effortlessly eat away at the sub-consciousness. For on this trip I was behind a woman and two rather well behaved children.
About a quarter of the way to Paris the little girl who must have been around seven or eight years old turned to her mother and said “Mummy what is it like to be a Mummy?” strange question to ask at such a young age but id did get me thinking. For a reason that I cannot explain I immediately began looking through my Facebook profiles. The reason for this is that a fair few number of my female friends on Facebook have children. Some have just became mothers, some are in the process of raising their children and unfortunately in some cases some have lost their children. It also got me thinking of my friend Jessika who tragically along with her baby daughter died during childbirth only two months ago.
There were many photographs to view from all over the world. Some very interesting some not so yet it got me to ask the very same question as the little girl on the train “What does it feel like to be a mother?” now that is a question that I cannot answer but I can provide my own definition on what a mother means for me. What exactly a mother is in the eyes of a man who has a mother he hardly sees. My definition is this.
A mother is not just a stage in a woman’s life when she has a child for the very first time, nor is it just a definition to describe the process of brining life into this world. Being a mother is simply the most powerful position that exists on this Earth. Producing a child takes two; I think anybody that has transcended adolescence would acknowledge that fact. Yet whilst the male’s role in this process of evolutions seems fairly straight forward what the mother has to endure can only really be described as remarkable.
Carrying a child for nine months creates more than just a physical bond; it creates the most powerful force on this planet. A parental bond. The spiritual and physical connection between mother and child is simply too difficult to define and describe. A connection is created that will bond two living forces together in a way that cannot be broken, either physically or emotionally. When the baby is born the only thing that matters in the eyes of the mother is the health and nature of her child, the world that existed is now only in the tiny hands and heart of the gift of nature that they have just brought into this world.
Through the child’s infantile years the mother will be the provider, the carer, protector and teacher. The entire progression and development of the child’s early years will be in the hands of the mother. As the child grows older into a young adult its needs will change and vary yet the role of the mother is always there, never leaving, forever caring and always protecting. There will at times in the child’s adolescence when it will feel that it no longer needs the protection of the mother and can see this as being a burden at times, yet the mother knows this and will give the child space in order to fulfil it’s transition into adult.
Yet even when the child is fully grown their will be times, many times, when it will turn to its mother in order to overcome a problem. Why? Because it is the child’s primary instinct to turn to the very person that provided, cared and loved them for all of their lives.
As I sit and now listen to several businessmen argue about salaries and how much their raise at work will this year I look at the mother whose daughter who asked this question is asleep in her arms and I realise one thing. Being a full-time mother is without question the highest paid job in the world. Because the payment that is given, not just each month, but each day is a payment of pure love and it’s not an annual increase but daily.
I would go so far to try and dare answer the eternal question. “What is the meaning of life”, to be the meaning is simply on word.
Mother.
About Me
- Dean
- I'm an author, poet, screenwriter and blogger In May 2010 I will begin work on my new screenplay 'Departure'
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One thing I have learnt lately is that you’re never too old to lose friends in life. When we are young we often see life as an endless journey that shows us death on a very infrequent basis. Look back to your youth you will find that the only funerals that you attended were mainly family members of friends of the family.
In my thirties I hear my mother say all the time that her friends seem to be “dropping like flies” and we should be grateful for the time we have with our friends. She could not be more far from the truth. There is a difference but it’s that very difference that concerns me.
Whilst my parent’s generation and indeed my parent’s friends seem to die of natural causes or “old age” I am also losing the same, if not more friends, than they are. This year alone I’ve lost friends due to childbirth, suicide, car accidents, overdose and even manslaughter. I’ve long passed the stage of questioning why, one thing I have realised is that we are all taken for a reason at a certain time and when our time is up, it’s simply over.
I have learned the value of life and how it should be lived. Not in a reckless fashion as each day would be my last but more of a lasting legacy to the testament of those I have been lucky and fortunate to share happy times with along the way.
Losing friends in life is something that we are all going to have to deal with at some stage in our lives I just guess that for me it’s happening more now than ever before. Yes I will cry, yes I will feel anger and raw regret. But once the tears have dried and the pain has sunken away the lasting feeling I now have is one of remembrance.
They are gone and I am here. The best I can do is live life in their memories.
R.I.P. Scott and Jay. BBQ’s will never be the same without your beers, burgers and bickering
This weekend saw the end of two TV series. Lost (USA) and Ashes to Ashes (UK). Both were series that were iconic in both countries, surrounded with mystery, hard to predict plotlines and a moral behind the cause. I’ve followed both series closely and those who know me will testify that I love a mystery.
I don’t like predictable endings. David Lynch has mastered this down to a fine art with shows such as Twin Peaks and also David Knaufe was another master with one of the finest TV shows ever Carnivale. Yet in the last two days I’ve seen both sides of script writing.
Lost had more twists and turns than Route 66. Even I got disillusioned and confused with the plethora of clues and mysteries that were displayed on the six seasons of this show. Were they alive? Were they dead? What was the meaning of the polar bear? Why was there a hobbit there anyway (joke) yet at the end all was revealed (no spoilers here) and in my mind it was one of complete disappointment. Too many questions were left unanswered and I feel that the scriptwriters were lazy in their efforts to reward the fans with a fitting finale.
Now compare this to Ashes to Ashes. The plot was less complex than Lost as it focused on one central character that had gone back in time to a place where she could either stay or return. Yet in one hour of sheer TV brilliance the scriptwriters tore up the rule book and left us with a finale for the ages. A wonderful script, brilliant acting and a plot so simple yet so meaningful it almost brought tears to your eyes.
When writing any script the focus has to stay on your audience and not what you think will be right or wrong. Lost certainly became “lost” as a victim of its own success where as Ashes To Ashes was a simple script that ended with an unpredictable storyline. It just goes to show that when writing any script or novel that the ending is how people will judge and remember you work. In the cases above the BBC hit the nail on the head. Superb scriptwriting.
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What is love? Quite possibly the most difficult question we can try to answer.
Since the dawn of time our primal emotional feelings have grown from a bond of human attraction to the most affluent of displays of affection to prove to the person that they indeed own our heart. To some people love is a friendship, to others it is the bond of a family, and to those lucky ones it is the most meaningful person in their lives. Indeed love can easily be described as the pure essence of happiness. But do we fall out of love as easy as we fall in.
Can you remember the time that you saw the person that you love for the very first time? Oh those feelings! The butterflies in your stomach when meeting them for those very first times, the actual physical pain when you were not with them and the very thought of them being the first and last thing that you thought of each day. They were the very essence of your own existence and everything else just was deemed to be immaterial and non existent.
Yet can that emotion remain?
It is human instinct to change our own behavioral patterns over time. The more familiar we are with something the less it seems we are fond of it. It becomes routine, the norm and soon the mind embeds it into its own sub-conciousness and begins to want to move on to the next thing. After five, maybe ten years can we as human beings still feel those initial feelings of those first few days? Yes we can on an occasion such as an anniversary or birthday yet do we owe it to those we love to remain on that same level of emotional consistency?
They say that “Love is patient, love is kind.” It is void of jealousy but does not become arrogant; it offers itself in a manner that those we know feel but those we don’t cannot see. It revels in triumphing over adversity and that is the best feeling.
Can we remain on that level of emotional consistency? Yes we can!
Always remain truthful in love, don’t rush it, and don’t fall into it confusing it for lust. Love will come when you when it is ready not when one demands it. It is akin to all your emotional dreams coming true at the same time. Love can be felt by more than just two people; it’s a collective emotion that can bond with many.
It connects those with a level of trust, loyalty and intimacy that you simply cannot define. A relationship is forged from the binds of our own existence and a fire is lit that cannot be extinguished. Love needs to be experienced and shared, not just felt. It is so deep its immeasurable. Take parental love as an example, the bond between mother and child changes the minute a child is born. It’s a pure unconditional love, unbreakable no matter what is thrown it’s way.
Love can be defined in many different ways. Romantic love is powerful based on the foundations of a physical and and interpersonal bond. Family love is more platonic, being defined from the people that gave us love in the very first place. The physical love becomes a parental love and the definition of the word continues to grow. Love will be felt on an individual basis depending on the person and will no doubt change over time but we owe it those we love to continue providing the emotion. Until the end of our very lives.
So please the next time that you see someone you love, partner, parent, child, sibling or friend don’t be afraid to say those three words “I love you”.
Because since the beginning of time, no three words have ever been so powerful.
So Pirate Bay, the torrent site, is offline again. Following a German court ruling its current ISP provider was forced to turn off the hosting. In the past Pirate Bay has bounced back very quickly each time it has been taken offline and I think it will be the same again.
File piracy, P2P, online sharing or whatever you want to call it is big business online. Billions of pounds are being lost from illegal sharing of music, videos, software, games and applications each year. But my real question remains “Is Pirate Bay being specifically targeted?”
Pirate Bay is one of hundreds of illegal sharing websites that people can easily obtain files via a torrent. It is arguably the most well known but certainly not the most used. Sites like ISOhunt and Bittorrent attract more visitors yet are targeted less by the music industry as being a site that they demand shut down.
Piracy is never going to go away. Were living in a world of ever increasing broadband speed and PC’s are getting faster, the days of waiting a day to download a movie are long gone. It can now be done in minutes with a fast enough connection. The fact is that governments are out of touch, too slow and uneducated in the fight against piracy and their laws are just farcical. Even the software giants such as Microsoft, Apple and EA Sports are falling behind times when it’s coming to online piracy.
No amount of fines are going to stop this and it will continue. Already Pirate Bay have backed up their database ready to move to another provider. I’m not saying that online piracy is right but I also have an issue with the prices that some musical and entertainment websites charge for media.
This is one war that is never going away.
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Often in life we will come across people that hurt us, people that abuse the very essence of the trust that we place in them as friends or loved ones. When those people decide to remove themselves from our lives they simply forget we ever existed whilst we are left to pick up the pieces, wonder what went wrong or what we could have done to make things better. Whilst the victim carries that torment forwards the bully simply moves on to their next victim.
The human soul is a very precious emotion. It can be raised so high that we feel like flying yet at the same time can so easily be destroyed in the blink of an eye. It allows us to feel love, be happy, optimistic, hopeful yet it can also fill our hearts with pain and despair.
During the low times in our lives there are days when it feels that there is absolutely nothing that can take the pain away and no matter how comforting our friend’s words are they just don’t seem to mend the gaping hole that has appeared within our hearts. But there is always hope.
During those bad times try and block out all the negative thoughts that your own mind is creating, try and empty yourself of all emotions. As the old Chinese saying goes “In a heart free from all emotions not even a tiger has room to insert its fierce claws”. When you are removed of all emotion those wise words from your friends will seem to make sense and whilst it won’t mend a broken heart it will momentarily lift it into a higher state of consciousness that will make you feel better.
We are always going to have those that make our lives a misery and unfortunately these people will never stop at doing their very best to ruin the heart of someone that they have no care or love for yet through the lies they will make those people believe that. But if you surround yourself with friends and family that you know love you. Well then the tiger really cannot scratch away at your heart.
So here we are.
One week after the election and the usual mess of UK politics rears its ugly head once more. Over the past few months we have had debate after debate (They are all mass-debaters in my mind), countless press and TV coverage and the endless party political broadcasts yet we still have no clear winner in the election.
The current method of voting in the UK is nothing short of farcical. Why cannot we have a system with the party with the most votes’ wins power? Oh no we have a Victorian outdated system that is nothing short of meaningless. As it stands the Conservative party are 21 seats short of an overall majority of 326 which is required to become the leading party. Labour have around 260 some 60 seats short.
During the campaign the Liberal Democrats came over as a party that surged in popularity but surprisingly they under performed when it came to voting and they only managed just over 50 votes. Yet here they are speaking to both the Conservative and Labour parties about forming a coalition government. So in reality the party that got fewer votes are dictating power to the party with the most votes. It’s beyond a joke.
Our country has been run by a spineless government and the voters chose a new option, a new party yet they cannot get in power due to the ridiculous voting system the UK has. Over the past few years our politicians have not only been abusing the system they have been abusing our country and it’s time for it all to cease.
The UK deserves to be run by people who have the public’s best interests at heart. If the Conservative party have the most votes then let them run it the way it deserves to be run and not by a party who only achieved 56 seats. When the world watches our MP’s stand up waving paper at each other and jeering like bullying school children it’s a wonder our politicians have any respect at all.
For the love of god sort it out.
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Ok let me be blunt last night was STRANGE.
I am sat here rather busted and bruised. My nose is almost broken yet my only crime of injuries was enjoying myself. So here is the story.
I’ve been working very hard the last few weeks, over the last 4 months I’ve been to France, Germany, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Sweden, Jersey and all over England so last night after flying back from Berlin I decided to go out and have a bit of fun.
Not far from the airport is a rather strange little pub, it reminds me of the bar in Star Wars you get all sorts in there and I mean all sorts! Last week I heard the place was shutting down so imagine my surprise when I had a text message from a friend of mine saying it was open. The bar/club was owned by an 89 year old guy who is a self admitted schizophrenic man who had over 20 years of psychiatric treatment. Yet last night was his final night of ownership.
The night was going slow until the Polish DJ turned up and informing us that there was about to be a “Polish Gypsy” evening. Now I had no idea what the evening was about but within 20 minutes the place was full of Polish women in traditional gypsy dress and a lot of Polish men who just sat at the table drinking a lot of vodka whilst the women were up dancing.
Around an hour into the evening the DJ (who is now the new owner) played some old school break-dance music. A few of the polish men got up and began to dance. My friend who is not a bad dancer decided to get on the dance floor and show them how it is done, but the true horror was about to unfold. When I was a teenager I was an avid break-dancer and would be often found spinning on my back or head and I’m rather proud to say I can still pull of a few moves.
So I decided to join my friend on the floor. Oh I was good! Windmills, spinning on my back, crazy legs, you name it I did it! I even got a round of applause from everyone. But the real tragedy was about to unfold.
After two double Sambucas I tried to do a “Face your fear” which is basically where you throw your body in the air and then arch your torso so you move backwards and looks a lot like the caterpillar move. It’s been years since I had attempted one at it showed as I fell flat on my face nose first. Good job nobody was filming as it would have been an instant YouTube hit; do you remember that guy with the Nunchucks who fell on his face? This was ten times more painful and to those watching no doubt funnier.
An ambulance was called they checked me out and said I was lucky not to have broken my nose and I had badly bruised it (It’s currently purple). Anyway by the time I got back in I had realised that I had missed my last tube home so I tried in vain to find a hotel. Eventually the 89 year old owner said that “As I was such a good customer over the past year” I could stay at his house.
I have had little dealings with this man but from what people have said he is rather old fashioned and strange, yet always welcoming and happy. I was too drunk to refuse and the last thing I recall is falling asleep on a rather uncomfortable bed.
Around 9am I was awoken by the sounds of a grandfather clock chiming. I did not know where I was nor how I got there but the night began to piece itself together slowly. I needed the toilet so spent the next 15 minutes wandering around this massive west London mansion trying to find the loo. Now when people said that he was old fashioned I had NO IDEA how correct they were. This man had no cooker, microwave, television, internet, fridge or freezer. The kitchen had a mangle from the 1950’s and an old fashioned cupboard. The front room had this old radio and that was it! I then looked up and saw a rather large collection of guns.
Now I am not saying it was the best decision in the world but when you wake up in a house of an 89 year old schizophrenic who has guns and live ammunition in the house, with a broken nose, you don’t hang around too long.
I eventually got home and realised just what a night it had been, injuries, dancing, drinking, playing pool and then to top it off waking up in a strange mansion surrounded by stuffed animals and guns.
Life is never dull with me.
I look up towards the heavens
Amidst a sky of grey
And ask the eternal question
Why did you go away?
Heavens gained an angel
Yet my life is empty and devoid
Memories flood through my mind
A heart abandoned and destroyed
My eyes have tried through crying
I no longer have the tears
Just a feeling of abandonment
That will last for many years
And now our journey it is over
I guess I will never understand
Why your no longer with us
Did god have this planned?
I take hope we will meet again
Until that day your name lives on
My life will never be the same
Simply now your gone
In less than 72 hours time the madness of The General Election will begin. The way things stand it will seem that we are heading for a hung parliament as the Conservatives will not have the overall majority required to be outright winners. No doubt the Liberal Democrats will be the real winners as they could form a coalition government with David Cameron.
I don’t really care what happens just as long as the incompetent Labour party are out. The last thirteen years has seen this country spiral downwards into an eternal pit of despair. Healthcare is at an all time low, unemployment at a twenty year high, immigration is spiralling out of control and the country is almost a trillion pounds in debt.
I’m not saying that the other parties will do any better but they simply cannot do any worse. Memories of the Labour party all holding hands singing “Things can only get better” and the launch of “Cool Britannia” send a cold shiver down my spine. They have had their chance and they seriously fucked it up.
David Cameron it’s over to you.
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