Dean's Blog

The sunsets on Ibiza,
The ravers have moved away
Hedonistic blue sun filled skies
Replaced with sullen gray
Darkness descends across the islands
Yet there still shines a wondrous light
An angel of Ibiza town
Whose eyes they burn so bright
Summer may have moved on
Yet the passion never dies
Her heart beats like an inferno
No matter how much she cries
Eyes sparkling like two diamonds
Shining over all the tears
A spirit so unbreakable
It will conquer all her fears
Pain may at the moment
Seem like an unbreakable cloud
Yet the love that her friends have for her
Becomes a protected shroud
For love conquers anything
That life may throw her way
She is the queen of angels
She is hear to stay
A whirlwind of emotion
A queen amongst us all
She brightens every day we live
She rises above us all
Now she is a Phoenix soaring through the flames
Those who hurt are whispers in the wind
Now just forgotten names
Soaring to the skies
A smile as bright as the sun
Ebony is the eternal light
Her time has just begun
You cannot keep her down
Resilience is her middle name
No matter where the playground
No matter what the game
2010 now beckons
It’s time for the pain to depart
Next year will be full of joy in Ebony’s pure heart

Make it the best year ever!!!

Well here we are not just at the end of another year but also another decade. I look back on this year first and it’s been an eventful and beneficial year for me with many ups and downs. Hard to really say if it has been a good year or not, I don’t think I can even judge this anymore as life is so up and down! This year saw me move for the tenth time in ten years. Relocating to west London and I have remained there since but though I have decided to stay in London for one more year it is important that I feel happy at home so I will be looking for one more move next year as living with my current flat mate is akin to living with the entire cast of “The Young Ones”.

I have also done a fair amount of traveling this year, albeit to the same country! I visited Sweden seven times this year and it is safe to say that in twelve months it is the country that I will be calling home. It has taken a while but finally I think that it really does feel like “home”. There is still so much that I have to learn about the country, so much that I need to understand but every time that I visit there it feels more and more special. Sweden is a naturally beautiful place and the people are amazing.

One thing that I have found myself guilty of this year is not seeing my family enough. Three visits just does not really justify what I would call being a loving son! So next year I have decided to visit at least once a month, hopefully that should keep my phone bills down to when I do call back home. When I’m in Sweden then it will be not so bad to fly over once a month.

But it’s not only the end of a year but also the end of a decade. When I think of what has happened in the past ten years I really do have to catch my breath to think. At the end of 99 I was in my 20’s living a great life in Bristol. I was surrounded by friends, and though I was about to end a long term relationship I was more than happy with the love I had. But I had come to the end of a point in my life and I desperately craved change. Towards the end of 1999 I set the wheels in motion to move to London.

After staying for one more year in Bristol I eventually transferred myself to London in early 2001. I had met a new woman in my life and was throwing myself into unknown waters. Moving to a new house (I had not house shared in ages) was an experience, yet though that house has more mice than a cornfield and more holes than a Gorgonzola cheese it was, and still is, the best house I have ever lived in. The people there were not just housemates they were very special friends and that in itself is a hard thing to find in London.

The early “Noughties” went fairly uneventful. We moved several times, getting to know each other in our relationship, growing in love. I traveled to some wonderful new places, South America, Malaysia, Australia and parts of Europe I had not seen. It became a fairly comfortable routine and life was becoming rather enjoyable. I think the only thing that I was becoming a bit uncomfortable with is that my partner and I had the same group of friends, neither of us had any real individual friends that we could go out with from time to time.

2004 saw us move into a house in Canary Wharf. Melanie was having a lot of issues with her work and would often come back home in tears and I always tried my best to make her feel comfortable and happy. My work was beginning to bore me and I started to feel a bit restless. It was also the year that we began to take in housemates; there were some strange ones like Kate and Rachel but also some amazing friends like Nati.

2005 soon rolled into 2006 and life was going just fine. Again I had the wonderful opportunity to visit Australia to see Melanie’s family and had a wonderful time, also getting the chance to stop by Singapore and see this country in its entire beauty.

Then my world came crashing down in 2006.

In September 2006 on the very same day Melanie and I met for drinks, she told me that she had met someone else and that the relationship was over, I also lost my job that very day. Within the space of 24 hours I felt empty. Over the next few months I struggled, I began to drink more than I should do, could not really be bothered to go to work and basically I was living my life in a chaotic mess.

It was in November 2006 that things changed. I could not afford the house I was staying with on my own so I advertised the single room. I had a reply from several people but the girl who took the room was a Swedish girl called Marie, young, friendly and she had a carefree attitude that I had forgotten existed. In the six weeks she was there she not only woke me up but also, to a certain degree, changed my life.

The way that she woke me up, taught me how to live again and not care at the world or the way it throws trouble at me was just something that I will never forget. On the final day that we said goodbye we both knew that we had given each other a valuable lesson in life, I had given her an insight into what life outside of Sweden was like and she had taught me once again that my carefree attitude that I carried with so much swagger in my Bristol days still lay within.

2007 saw me move back to Bristol as I had no reason to really stay in London. I needed to escape the concrete suburban jungle that I no longer recognized. It seemed that everywhere I went had some stale disgusting reminder of where I once shared some times with the cheating bitch I lived with. The following year was a good one, though it was difficult to live with the family again it was nice to see them on a regular basis but I knew throughout this period that I would eventually have to return to London.

2008 saw my return and now I have come not only to the end of a decade but the end of my time here. As the clock slowly winds down to end another decade I am once again contemplating a change in my life’s direction. At the millennium it was Bristol to London, now it is London to Sweden.

The past ten years have been one of immense self discovery, a lot of happy times, a lot of sad times but I am ending this on a high. I have lost more friends than I would have liked to have written, some fell into the trap of drink and drugs and could not escape their demons.

But throughout it all there were two constant sides in my life that through all the highs and the lows never left me. My gym and my writing  there are some people I would like to thank this decade and some I would like to forget. But one above all stands tall, the friend who tragically passed away eight years ago. I know if she were alive my life would have been different.

So that in its summary is the story of my noughties. A time of love, pain, happiness, tears, sorrow, regret, silliness and cherished times.

What does the next decade hold?

Come back in a decade x

I have been trying to write this blog for several days now but with no real luck. It does not coincide with it being the end of the year, nor does it mean that this is something that I am really about to do.

I moved to London in 2001 and stayed there until the spring of 2007 when I moved back home, due to work I moved back to London in 2008 and have been there since. In all the years that I lived in London I ventured back to Bristol at least five times a year. This year was the year that I came back less than five. However in the times that I have visited this year I have come to the conclusion that I am missing Bristol.

The decision for me to move to Sweden in 2010/11 is one that will change my life forever. Many friends of mine that I met in London have moved from overseas and that is something that I have applauded. Recently I did this test where I evaluated which years of this decade I was happiest in, the year that came top was 2004. During this year I was living in Canary Wharf, was into the third year of a relationship and my job was a decent one. All of my friends lived in London.

If we fast forward five years it’s the complete opposite, I can count the number of friends I have in London on one hand, the majority of what I would call close friends are in Bristol. I have a well paid job in London, but the amount of money that I am paying for rent is nothing short of extortionate. I feel somewhat in a trap with my work, it feels that I am living in a solitary existence. My flatmate is a sad isolated man that trawls the internet for “babes” and then spends an extortionate amount of money trying to date these women. He’s in a lot of debt and reminds me of one of those old men that props up bars drinking in the same pub each night trying to put the world to rights. I have always said that I would rather die than become that state.

Maybe it is because that I don’t like normality or routine. Or could it be that I have always had itchy feet.

Anyway I am dragging this on. Let me take this back to normality.

The question is I am moving to Sweden as that is where the love of my life lives. But do I stay in London or do I move back home. There are certain elements of my life that lie in both cities. Bristol holds my heart and it is where my family lives but London is where my cultural heart is. My friends live in both but I will miss the comfort of Bristol but London has the cultural exuberance that I will miss.

So the question is Sweden is my destination but do I stay in London or move back to Bristol for one year. If I stay I face boredom and isolation, if I return I face a possible financial nightmare but contentment.

Please help me with my decision.

Twas the night before Christmas
When we children should dream
But all I can hear is Mummy’s loud scream

Daddy is hitting her again and again
This year I hope
That the blood does not stain

Not one of us kids
Dare make a sound
For fear that Daddy’s violence
Would double and rebound

We silently prayed
That mummy would be ok
And that somehow she would live
To see Christmas Day

So please Father Christmas
Tell me if you got my list?
I want Mummy to be safe
From Daddy’s big fist

Can you bring me enough hope?
So Mummy does not live in fear
Let this be the last violent New Year

For I don’t want to wake up
On a cold Christmas Day
To see Mummy in a coffin
Being taken away.

I read today several articles about social networking and the impact it has had on our lives this past year.

The first article was about the singer Lilly Allen and how she has given up her social networking “addiction” after a demand from her boyfriend. Allen said that she would constantly be updating her status on Facebook or Twitter and she would even sleep with her BlackBerry at times. Since the ultimatum she has put her laptop, Blackberry, Iphone in a box and is not even on email anymore. Whilst I feel this is slightly extreme I do understand her situation.

The second article mentioned that social networking was now the third highest reason for divorce in the UK. Many meet and even marry online through the people that they have met and for many the compatibility of forming love in real life is often too strenuous and hard to make a reality.

To me this is no longer a phase or a fad. Several years from now I foresee most relationships starting online. Many of my friends have met some wonderful people through sites like Facebook and the love is still going strong to this very day. Does it really matter how people meet? If you’re going to meet the love of your life then its regardless where you meet them, all that has happened is that meeting them from the comfort of your own home has quickly replaced that of going down the local pub.

However it can become something of an addiction as Lilly Allen found out. When I first tried out Facebook and Twitter I was something of an addict. Through Facebook I have managed to make contact with a lot of people that I had lost along the way and that is something I will always be thankful for. Twitter is more of a novelty really, a good way to have a laugh as well as keeping people updated whilst on the move. I really have no desire to stalk celebrities on Twitter. The very thought of knowing a z-list celebrity is having a shit is hardly the highlight of my day.

Thirty years ago many people sat in a darken room and used a CB radio to surf the airwaves to meet new people with a bizarre handle such as “Eagle Child”. The only difference is that we no longer have 40 foot Ariel’s attached to our houses and instead were using mobile technology.

No doubt there will be many challenges to Facebook and Twitter over the years yet with the number of registered people on Facebook approaching 400,000,000 it can hardly be described as “Just another website”.

Social Networking is here to stay and it should carry a health warning. Too much use can lead to an addiction. Reality needs to stay within our lives.

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British Airways cabin crew have voted in favor of strike action starting from the 22nd December running to 2nd January.

I think that any organisation has the right to ballot and stage industrial action if they feel that staff are being undervalued or mistreated. However when it comes to three organisations, The London Underground, Royal Mail and British Airways I have no sympathy at all.

When the London Underground strike the whole of London comes to a complete standstill, when the Royal Mail strike no post can get through due to the simple fact that they are the only organisation carrying out their particular service.

British Airways are a dinosaur amongst airlines. They pride themselves on their "Excellent customer service" but in reality they are one of the least efficient, overpriced and poorly run airlines that I have ever flown with.

So the cabin staff have voted to strike simply because British Airways are cutting back their staff numbers.

Message to the Cabin Crew - Were still in recession it's happening all over the world. Get over it and stop throwing your toys out of the pram.

Up to one million customers will be affected, and I am one of them. I now have to not only make alternative flight plans but also fly from another airport, all because of their mindless actions.

They may think that they have gained a moral victory over their employers but the real message is that you have ruined Christmas for families across the world.

I hope that the BA staff are proud of themselves.

Idiots.

As this decade comes to a close I am thinking of all the words that have been introduced to our everyday lives. Those words that ten years ago, as we approached the Millenium, would have meant nothing if you dropped it into a conversation.

The most obvious I can mention are

Alcopop
Bling
Bootylicious
Chav
Facebook
Hoodie
Meh
P’wned
Peng
Pimp’d
Poke
Social networking
Tase
Tweenager
Tweet
Wardrobe Malfunction
Wi-fi

What words can you add to the list!?

What on Earth was that dream about last night. I had a lot of trouble sleeping and awoke at exactly 2.45, 4.45 and 6.45 am.

I dreamt that I was in the Highlands of Scotland on a walking holiday. I got a phone call from a person (a school friend who I had not seen in some 20 years) telling me that my father had died. I remember in the dream saying “I had predicted this weeks ago”. I got a train from Scotland to Portugal and remember being told that my father had his head chopped off by a random guy.

The guy turns out to be my brother from an affair (in my dream!) that my dad had with a Swedish writer called Annika Eriksson. The brother said that he was heir to the family fortune (which I was unaware we had) and then one by one proceeded to behead every member of my family. It was only when my sister and I stopped him that I awoke in what I can only describe as a puddle of sweat.

What the hell was that all about?!

Took a test today where you had to score (out of 10) areas or your life for each of the nine years so far. As the decade comes to an end these were my results, in order, of how happy the years have been for me.

2004

2005

2001

2003

2002

2000

2007

2009

2008

2006

All in all this is quite accurate

Enligt den brittiska pressen Abba nyligen toppar en opinionsundersökning av band som folk vill se återförenade. Det har gått nästan 30 år sedan de bröt upp och cirka 22 år sedan de senast var i allmänhetens ögon. Bortsett från Mamma Mia återförening med 2007 har inte setts offentligt.

De är utan tvekan den mest framgångsrika svenska bandet genom tiderna och deras samlingsalbum är den fjärde mest sålda album i Storbritannien diagram historia. Min egen uppfattning är att vissa saker inte ska hända och en Abba återförening är en. De måste stanna som ett minne av när de var som bäst. De ser inte likadana, och jag är säker på att de inte skulle låta de samma. Så många band reformer och ett misslyckande men jag tror inte att något av dessa band är av samma omfattning som Abba.

Deras musik kommer att gå till historien som några av de bästa popmusiken för all tid och det är vad jag vill att det ska bli ihågkommen för. Let's just tack Abba for the music