Dean's Blog

Standing up she gently began pacing the small and rather clostraphobic room she found herself in. The rain outside pounded the single glazed window like some enthusiastic drummer beating a worn out skin. She looked haggard, weak, and vulnerable; far from the beauty queen she once proudly wore the crown. She knew she was in hospital she just did not know why, the memory was a mere haze, the last twenty-four hours nothing but a blur.

Hobbling over to the window she knew that she would be discharged this evening but how it quite got to this stage only fate knew. She was Eleanor, a twenty-one year old university student in Oxford. If you looked at her life from an observational perspective you would not see anything too abnormal. But inside Eleanor was a whirlwind of emotions.

Her life up to then had been one that most women her age would not live if they had their lifetime to live ten times over. Beauty queen, model and musician. Many stayed clear of her, they were unsure about her persona, yet deep down Eleanor knew that her attitude had caused her life thus far to be one of pure isolation. She knew that she did not belong in this time.

Each day that she awoke she would shudder at the mere observation of any modern-day mentions. The posters on her wall were of centuries past artists, her books were copies of literature at least half a century old. Yet surrounded by the modern-day technology that many took for granted, Eleanor was just a mere spectator in a world she did not belong

Rolling back her bandage she rubbed her sore wound with her hands as she watched the rain lash against the window pane. She had somehow wound up in hospital, she felt giddy, weak almost yet even though the machine in the room that was monitoring her heartbeat played a beat akin to a medieval drum she knew time here was short. She glanced at the clock on the wall; it was five minutes to midday.
Damned impatience was providing an eternal cramp in the back of her neck.

Sighing she turned to face the bed that she had spent the last fifteen hours in, just like her bed at home it was cold, hard, unwelcoming and somewhat barren in any form of comfort. She slumped into her chair and looked at the mirror, the gaunt face that stared back at her bore nothing to the resemblance she once knew. Yet even though the fake glow of the beauty queen had long left her face she knew that in this shadow pale reflection she looked more radiant and beautiful than ever.

Her gaze was broken by the chimes of the church bell opposite. Each one echoed within her heart, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and eleven….

Eleanor never heard the twelfth and final chime. Maybe it was the weakness, maybe it was the lack of fresh air. Somehow she slumped to the floor, twice in the same day her head had hit the floor hard. Yet this time, this moment the fall would not land her in hospital.

No

This time it would land her in a place where her heart would feel at home but her mind would not belong. An eternal place where love exists and dreams come true. Her eyes were closed yet her heart was so open.

The journey had just begun. A journey of love, hope, pain, irony and above all despair.

It is not often that I write about politics. Much like religion and war it is a topic that can be too explosive to discuss yet recent events have raised my eyebrows on this issue.

For those of you who do not know there is a party based in the UK called the British Nationalist Party (BNP). The British National Party was formed by John Tyndall, co-founder of the National Front, in 1982. He led the BNP until 1999 and died in 2005. Until 2001, the party advocated forced "repatriation" of non-whites. It currently backs an immediate halt to all immigration, and the "voluntary resettlement" of legal immigrants and British citizens of foreign descent to "their lands of ethnic origin". But its whites-only membership policy has been successfully challenged in court by the Equality and Human Rights Commission and Mr Griffin will now have to persuade the membership to ditch what has been one of their core principles.  Until recently the party had enjoyed very limited electoral success. But now have two seats in the European Parliament one of which is held by leader Nick Griffin.

The BNP have been invited onto the political debate show, Question Time. Due to the political views that this party holds it has been met with protests and a barrage of complaints towards the BBC. Deputy Director General Mark Byford has said it is not the BBC's role to censor the BNP as criticism mounts ahead of the party's Question Time appearance. He said the BNP's Euro vote meant the BBC had to allow it on as part of it’s "responsibility of due impartiality". Cabinet minister Peter Hain had asked the BBC to rethink its invitation to the whites-only political party. Even Ex-London Mayor Ken Livingstone said the BBC would bear moral responsibility for any "spike" in racist attacks.

No doubt there is a lot of hatred towards the BNP. I for one cannot understand their policies nor there rule that only white people can join the party. The UK has many ethnicities that make up its population, possibly more than any other European Country. Having a party that bases its fundamental rule of membership is not only outdated it is extremely embarrassing.

Some protesters have already gathered outside BBC Television Centre in London ahead of the appearance of British National Party leader Nick Griffin, who is a Euro MP, on the hour-long flagship BBC political programme Question Time.

Mr Livingstone told BBC Radio 4's Today programme: "Unlike any other party, when Nick Griffin speaks, or when they get elected in an area, what we see is an increase in racial attacks. He comes on, says his bit, does his bit, but for the angry racist it's the trigger that turns into an attack. And we first saw this when Enoch Powell made his 'rivers of blood' speech, there was a huge surge of attacks on black conductors on our buses." But Mr Byford told the same programme: "They should have the right to be heard, be challenged, and for the public who take part in Question Time and the viewers to make up their own minds about the views of the BNP. It's not for the BBC to censor and say they can't be on."

Mr Hain's appeal to the BBC Trust to stop Mr Griffin appearing was rejected on Wednesday. The trust said it was a "question of editorial judgment" whether it was appropriate for the BNP to appear. And BBC director general Mark Thompson, writing in the Guardian newspaper, said the case against having the BNP on Question Time was "a case for censorship". He said only governments could decide which organisations should be banned from the airwaves. The BBC Trust has asked Mr Thompson to ensure the pre-recorded programme is within BBC guidelines.

The decision to allow Mr Griffin, whose party won two seats in the European Parliament in elections in June, has prompted an outcry among anti-fascist protesters. Mr Thompson argued that where organisations were deemed to be "beyond the pale" they were proscribed and/or banned from the airwaves by - and only by -governments.

Downing Street said on Monday that the prime minister did not oppose the BBC decision to have the BNP on the programme, saying Gordon Brown believed it was important to expose what a party stood for. The BBC has also been defended by the comedian Russell Brand, who resigned from Radio 2 after the row over prank phone calls to the actor Andrew Sachs. Writing in the Sun newspaper, Brand said his former employers were "right to grant a forum" to the BNP and that the audience should be allowed to draw its own conclusions. BNP spokesman Simon Darby said the party would use its own security to get Mr Griffin safely inside the building and there would be no counter-demonstration by the BNP.

And Mr Griffin told The Times: "I thank the political class and their allies for being so stupid. The huge furore that the political class has created around it clearly gives us a whole new level of public recognition."

I think there is a valid case there. Any political party has the right to be invited to take part in debates no matter if they are on the radio or TV. The BNP will go and TV and hopefully embarrass themselves in the debate that occurs. The audience will be made up of may ethnicities and I hope that Nick Griffin is bombarded with questions that he simply will not be able to answer. The BNP are a poison in British Politics an outdated, out of touch racist gathering that only attract the vote of people who have not considered the alternatives to whoever is in power. A vote for the BNP is a wasted vote in my opinion and by squirming on a live TV debate this could be the embarrassing nail in this political party’s life.

At night as the moon rises, a light shines upon this land

Love beckons two eternal souls, they walk hand in hand

Each day their love grows stronger, a moment they cannot miss

Xcitement rules the time they share, lost in a momentary kiss

A perfect symmetry, two hearts they beat as one

Nobody but the two lovers, they walk into the sun

Destiny is theirs to live, their lives begin this day

Every kiss tells a new story, each smile shall lead the way

Reaching out he holds her, never letting go

Loving her with all his heart, that's all she needs to know

Only she can captivate his heart, like a bullet from a gun

Very few can feel like this, he is her eternal sun

Endless dreams they plan, not thinking of the past

Sensations that they find in love, are surely built to last

Sunsets and sunrises, two of natures special things

In time they share each others glow, and the beauty that love brings

Giving each other their own hearts, they are meant to be as one

Reaching out to walk this life, their journey has just begun

Immortal love is told in tales, as Romeo loved Juliet

Destiny is yours now to behold, this poem please don not forget.

The Arctic Ocean could be largely ice-free and open to shipping during the summer in as little as ten years' time, a top polar specialist has said.

"It's like man is taking the lid off the northern part of the planet," said Professor Peter Wadhams, from the University of Cambridge.

Professor Wadhams has been studying the Arctic ice since the 1960s.

He was speaking in central London at the launch of the findings of the Catlin Arctic Survey.

The expedition trekked across 435km of ice earlier this year.

The survey route - to the north of Canada - had been expected to cross areas of older "multi-year" ice which is thicker and more resilient.

When the ridges of ice between floes are included, the expedition found an average thickness of 4.8m.

Professor Wadhams said: "The Catlin Arctic Survey data supports the new consensus view - based on seasonal variation of ice extent and thickness, changes in temperatures, winds and especially ice composition - that the Arctic will be ice-free in summer within about 20 years, and that much of the decrease will be happening within 10 years.

"That means you'll be able to treat the Arctic as if it were essentially an open sea in the summer and have transport across the Arctic Ocean."

According to Professor Wadhams, faster shipping and easier access to oil and gas reserves were among short-term benefits of the melting.

But in the longer-term, losing a permanent feature of the planet risked accelerated warming, changing patterns of circulation in the oceans and atmosphere, and having unknown effects on ecosystems through the acidification of waters.

Pen Hadow said he was shocked by the image of how "in my lifetime we're looking at changing how the planet looks from space."

He also described how polar explorers were having to change their methods from the days when sledges could be pulled by dogs over the ice.

"Dogs can swim but they can't tow a sledge through water which is what's needed now."

"Now we have to wear immersion suits and swim and we need sledges that can float. I can foresee needing sledges that are more like canoes that you also pull over the ice."

This to me is quite a shocking article. I know that often the awareness of environmental issues is sometimes ignored due to other news about worldly events but this is possibly the most frightening I have heard in a long time.

Often we are ignorant in our defense that “It will not effect our generation” or that in many cases it is not near enough for us to be concerned about. But the fact that the second largest range of ice on our planet is now going to disappear during the summer not only shocks but appalls me. Man is going to pillage and plunge the rare oil resource like a leech sucking blood.

What then? The Antarctic? Mankind may be the most intelligent and dominant species this planet has ever seen yet it is also the most destructive.

So at last you have admitted the truth.

A decade after you first spilled your lies about me I have held my tongue, bitten it so hard it bled. The lies that your mouth spewed year after year, Spring to winter my reputation and dignity extinguished in a flame of self despair.

I remember that year well, the eyes that I once looked into and laughed now looked at me with hate, despair, and disbelief. Friends, colleagues even family turn their back on you; surely the words that you said were so strong, so unbelievable that nobody would lie about that.

The pain was so unbearable that I had to remove myself from my home time and move to a new city, a cold place where I knew nobody. My souls was charred, my spirit crippled, my dreams shattered. Nobody asked my for my side. Parents, family all looked at with me with not an ounce of trust or love.

Yet I could not die. For over ten years I heard the whispers "How could he, he was such a lovely guy", "I cannot believe how we did not see through this". Yet I knew that one day it would all be out. The rains of spring, the blistering heat of the summer, the chill of the fall and the harshness of countless winters, those seasons protected me as my soul began the process of self repair. Dignity, pride, the will to carry on those are things that you just cannot kill, resilience and self dignity are two emotions that you cannot drown.

Gradually year by year my footsteps to home got closer, I knew I was not welcome, I knew that I could not return. I longed to feel home again; I yearned to feel the familiar scent of the land I once called my abode. During the interim I did meet those who helped my heart heel, met those who hurt me yet compared to the pain I endured with you it was like being stung by a bee compared to your bullet into the heart.

Eventually I wondered if people would forget my name, could they, would they? My mind was my inner sanctum your was your words of mass destruction. I heard the laughter that you caused, the name I once wrote with pride killed off with such venom and hatred even the Devil would have applauded your efforts.

Now ten years on you admit the truth. Why not? After all the name was so blasphemous that it would not matter, the poisonous lies that you spilt, those lies that turned my once bright soul into complete darkness was dead and buried. I heard many just stayed silent, no doubt my parents and family were wondering not just why you lied but also if it is too late to heal the bridge between us.

What did happen to "me?"

Do any wonder? Do any conceive if I am now an alcoholic or homeless person lying in a gutter? Where is the once smiling man?

Word is that he gave up and forgave you and all those who despised him; rumour is that he just curled up and died. Did he forgive and forget?

Did he fuck.

The process of healing not only excluded me to my own self imposed exile and sanctuary, it gave me the opportunity to learn how to fight back with the venom the likes of which you cannot imagine.

Do not reap my whirlwind Bitch, look me in the eye and face the hurricane of my destruction. It's heading your way.

As the London Evening Standard becomes a free newspaper - life is about to change for many of the street vendors who are a familiar sight across the city. Some are leaving their jobs altogether, while others are moving pitches. Jamie Taylor's family has sold the Evening Standard at London Bridge Station for nearly 80 years - but, as he explains, that tradition is coming to an end.

Watch the Audio

In a world of isolation eternally I walked alone

A bloody trail of footsteps, my skin worn to the bone

Beating of my charcoaled heart did stop long ago

Mind of eternal indecision swaying to and fro

Unexpected salvation appeared before thy eyes

Keep me embraced in solitude, hidden from the lies

Raven wings surround me, my strength increased tenfold

The love that you have shown me, makes my soul so bold

A gift that you provided, kept me safe from pain

This I now return to you as we shelter from the rain

Our lips entwine like fire, an inferno of pure lust

Excelling even love itself, this emotion that we trust

The world is now out playground, the trail we step as two

My heart is yours eternally, a gift from me to you.

Living in a city like London or Stockholm you often get dragged into the mundane 9-5 routine all week. A cruel and bitter path where life can seem to just stagnate into a meaningless task. The mornings start earlier, you get home later. Lunches turn into sandwiches at your desk and the feeling that you no longer know where they days are going start to creep into your mind.

Though we sometimes tend to feel trapped in isolation we do make a stern effort to keep our mind and body active it can be worn down time and time again. I have always led the belief that just having one creative outlet in life can make all the difference. There is of course they physical escape, maybe going to the gym or taking the dog for a walk but I don't know about you but each time I do that I find that my brain is as empty as my Starbuck's coffee cup.

Having a creative outlet in my life is something that I value. It keep my mind focused and helps maintain a positive field of energy, you may even call it excitement. Now I don't class doing a Sodoku puzzle as creative, nor a crossword simply due to the fact that the creativity has already gone into the puzzle your just "filling in the gaps". Creativity to me is starting directly from scratch, taking an idea and seeing it right through to the end. It can be writing, drawing, a dance or a song that you have made up or much more.

No matter what it is that one creative escape is all that I require to keep the thought in my mind that there is something to look forward to at the end of the day. On a day like today where the skies were grey, the rain lashed down outside in torrents I knew that the start of next months writing was going to occupy my every thought.

That in itself money simply just cannot buy.

Sunsets mark the end of day as a kiss begins a day so new
A moment so frozen in time, a perfect sky of blue
Rarely will a soul entwine it's roots into my heart
A moment of love from yesteryear yet we are so apart
Heaven grant serenity and let love flood into my soul
Always and forever more I feel out of control
Heaven give me the feeling that I have somehow missed
Carefree emotions I feel now I feel so sun-kissed
Each second of every day, your in my thoughts so deep
Clarity from each waking moment to the moment that I sleep
Internally I feel so high like I'm free-falling from the sky
Later I will answer the ultimate question that is Why...
I feel so deep, I feel so high, a woman like you is sent from heaven
A queen of all the angels, my lucky number seven
Lay me down on a bed of roses do not wake me from this dream
Every second of every hour, equals my perfect dream....
Never have I felt such bliss your heart is the churchbell to my soul
Only an angel from the highest cloud can ever take control
Reach out and take my hand as we entwine upon this beach
Each letter of each line spells the message I am trying to reach

This map plots the 13,000 McDonald's restaurants in the USA. The 'McMap' is the brainchild of American blogger Stephen Von Worley.

He has even pinpointed the 'McFarthest Spot' in the US.

This is the area of America furthest away from the nearest McDonald's.

According the map it lies somewhere in the state of South Dakota with the closest restaurant lying 145 miles away.

In the day where obesity is one of the highest causes of death in the States and latest statistics show that 80% of US Children are obese this image is a shocking reminder to parents that it is essential their children are given a healthy diet.

Maybe it was my high metabolism as a child or the fact that I was not part of the "Console Generation", but if I were a parent I would place my child's health as the priority in their life.