Dean's Blog

In the past few days the rather talented comic Andrew Sachs (who those outside the UK may know as Manuel from the 1970's world famous comedy Fawlty Towers) was due to appear on the Russel Brand BBC2 radio talk show. He was meant to appear alongside the most famous current UK Chat Show host Jonathan Ross.

Unfortunately the rather immature 33 year old Brand and the more immature Ross, aged 46, decided to insult Mr Sachs with taunts that Brand slept with Sachs grand daughter. The videos are below but since the show last weekend over 30,000 complaints have been received. Brand has since resigned and Ross has been suspended for 3 months with no pay, hardly a punishment for one who is already a millionaire.

I hope that I never get to see Brand or the untalented and unfunny Ross on TV again as there are far more talented presenters out there.

Meanwhile I want to leave you with a video of Pele and Maradona, who during thier lives, have criticised each other but got together a few years ago to raise a serious amount of money for charity.

It just goes to show that two men who are the legends of their game can put hostilities aside and raise a lot of money for charity and I am now glad to read are close friends. Whilst it is sad to see two other untalented tossers who I feel should be kicked off the TV and Radio for life.

Idiots

[youtube=http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=U7IHJ66wj9g]

Legends

[youtube=http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uVk5o6k9wJ0&feature=related]

I had to gasp and also chuckle this weekend.

Whilst visiting my parents I noticed the wall opposite my parents house was demolished. This house belongs to a man in his 80's called John, who has lived in that house most of his life. Whilst most of the residents of the street my parents live in have long gone he must be the eldest resident.

My parents have never had a very expensive car, like me they only see cars of a means of getting from A to B and not an icon or status symbol.

My parents both own a car each in order to get to work and back and usually buy a second hand car in order that when it starts to go wrong they just scrap it and buy another. My dad's latest acquisition was a 1990's red Peugeot 206 and it was on it's way out and my dad told me a week ago he was going to get rid of it that weekend and get a new one.

On the other hand my neighbour, who whilst being a very nice guy, has always had this complex about boasting about how big his car is and how much it cost. His latest purchase was a Rover, leather heated seats, Sat nav and all that jazz.

Anyway last Saturday as my neighbour started his car he realised that he had the handbrake off, not wanting to hit my fathers car he swerved to the other side of the road, hitting the neighbours wall but not stopping there he managed to crash into two Black Audi's then carrying on he crashed into a garage, hitting a VW camper van before finally crushing a motorbike.

The total damage was over £25,000. One crushed wall, two very badly damaged Audi's, one written off VW camper van and motorbike. The total value of my fathers car? Around £250.

One very costly mistake.

In a world where money is so precious

People protect it like it's gold

In a far away place under scorching sun

A story shall unfold

A boy walks eleven miles each day

To carry water in a can

Water so filthy and rancid in taste

It is poisonous to man

As the modern world sell stocks and shares

To balance up the books

He sits under sun, covered in flies

Receiving filthy looks

The West ignore this imagery

"Not another famine again"

How many have there been since 85?

One? Two? no ten

As you debate another holiday

Sitting in the sun

He cannot escape its fiery wrath

The torture has only just begun

So as Friday night approaches

And you dance into the night so wild

Take a second to think of me

The poor forgotten child

Over the past several months the UK tabloids have become somewhat obsessed with filling the sheets with ever increasing stories about 'UFO' sightings. Ranging from lights hovering over the outskirts of the English countryside to the full abduction of people. Also made more popular by the obsession of the ever so eccentric music star Robbie Williams, it has somewhat grabbed the attention of many a friend of mine.

I have viewed a lot of footage on Youtube and me being the sceptic always like to keep an open mind. The positive argument is that in the vast space that we live in we are but a mere speck of dust in the overall complexity of the universe. So the remote possibility that we are alone is very small indeed, almost microscopic.

Yet, to me, the evidence that life forms outside of our own existence exist are not really enough to convert me into believing. Why is is that all of these sightings only seem to happen around small village towns? In the USA it is always some remote farm in the middle of nowhere and in the UK it's the same. Are these aliens just after corn? Or do they have some kind of fascination with cows and horses? Also they travel across several thousand light years in ships so far advanced that even the latest machines created by man are thousands of years behind, and to do what?...to hover around and then bugger off back again. What a waste of space petrol.

Also crop circles, what the hell are they all about? The creators travel across the galaxies and when the world is at sleep they create the most unique and fascinating patterns, so complex that even the most intelligent of scientists are baffled by the mysterious symbols. What's the matter? Cannot the just spell "Oi! Earthlings, contact us..if you get a message leave your name and number", much easier.

So Robbie Williams et all, please keep being bizarre and contacting the aliens that one day we may see, but I will not hold my breath. For now I leave you with a small teaser.

[youtube=http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=X80Gd80X40s&feature=related]

As I skipped breakfast this morning (I did not rise out of bed until 3pm) I decided to skip the chores of cooking a meal and head out to my my local pub for a late afternoon lunch. When I say local pub I only have been there a handful of times but it is the closest and most affordable.

As I ordered a pint of mouth watering casked local ale and scanned my eyes over the menu I noticed that the bar was somewhat quiet. In fact there was hardly a soul in the place, albeit for the husband and wide couple that are always there yet never seem to talk to one another. I ordered a Swiss Burger with extra salad and took my place on the comfortable leather seats that are usually so popular there is a waiting list.

As my food was waiting I picked up the paper to read about the latest in the US Presidential elections and the credit crunch that seems to dominate our lives these days, my concentration was shattered by something that I can only be described as a rant. I looked casually to my right and saw a rather well dressed English gentleman, must have been in his late 60's, very dapper, green tweed jacket, flat peaked cloth cap, shiny shoes and a walking stick. As I tried to ignore his conversation it became apparent that in the emptiness of the pub there was no background noise to latch on to except the dull tones of his voice.

To the left of him were two rather attractive oriental girls, I am guessing they were from Malaysia or Singapore, they are definately not Japanese or Chinese. One of them kept nodding like one of those dogs that you see in the back of car windows and the other just listened to this old English gent intently.

Oblivious to my intent listening the gent began to rant about the state of the world but then he said something that made my food wait, I was having none of it. He started ranting about how great the British Empire was and that the world would not be any kind of place without us, but ended with "And if it were not for us you two would still be picking rice in fields!", I casually moved closer, putting my empty change in the fruit machine listening more intently than before. After a few minutes I realised that he was not aiming for a racist torrent of abuse but rather just he was a sad old man stuck in his ways. After returning to my seat he then began to go on about how the world is a better place with old fashioned techniques.

As he and his two oriental companions were ready to leave he came over to me and whispered in my ear "I paid for them".

I was somewhat stunned but then realised you cannot educate the opinionated

I read a very sad story today that tugged on the old heart strings a little. It was about the last living survior of The Titanic who has had to sell her remaining posessions of that tragic day in order to pay for her hospital fees.

Now 96, Millvina Dean was nine weeks old when the liner sank in the North Atlantic in 1912.

She hopes to raise £3,000 by selling items including a suitcase full of clothes given to her by the people of New York after her rescue.

The auction in Wiltshire will also feature compensation letters sent to her mother by the Titanic Relief Fund.

They explained that she would be awarded one pound, seven shillings and six pence per week.

Several rare prints of the Titanic - including one of it leaving the White Star dock in Southampton - will also go under the hammer.

Miss Dean moved into a private nursing home in Ashurst, Hampshire, two years ago.

She told the Southern Daily Echo: "I was hoping to be here for two weeks after breaking my hip, but I developed an infection and have been here for two years. I am not able to live in my home any more.

"I am selling it all now because I have to pay these nursing home fees and am selling anything that I think might fetch some money."

The Dean family were emigrating to Kansas when the Titanic went down.

Miss Dean was placed in a sack and carried to safety along with her mother and brother.

But her father Bertram was one of more than 1,500 people who died.

The auction will take place at Henry Aldridge and Son auctioneers in Devizes, Wilts, on Saturday.

Andrew Aldridge said: "The suitcase is a very emotive and unusual item and epitomises what the people of New York did for the Titanic survivors.

"It also highlights what state the survivors were in when they got to New York. Many people lost everything down to the clothes they were standing in."

Miss Dean is the last survivor of the Titanic after Barbara Dainton, from Cornwall, died last year aged 96.

When all she needs is £3,000 and the movie about the Titanic grossed $1.8 BILLION, surely there is some injustice here?

So after eight years the marriage of Madonna and and UK director Guy Ritchie is over. An impending divorce announcement is due.

Whilst there is no doubt that Madonna is the most successful female singer of recent times I am more of a fan of Guy Ritchie. She is the queen of re-invention and he is the king of UK mob movies. When the announcement that they were going to get wed hit the press I had an initial thought that 'I wonder how this will effect Guys movies'

Let's face it marrying Madonna would be like marrying into a circus, Kaballah, a hundred paparazzi outside your front door and the fact that your married to one of the worlds most famous women is all part of the wedding vow's..maybe the  church bells were ringing to loud when the vicar announced "Do you Guy Ritchie take Madonna and the insane lifestyle that she leads to be your lawful wedded wife?"

Over the years I witnessed Guy's life change, the converting to the Kaballah belief, the constant scrutiny of being in the public eye 24/7, and yes as I initially thought, his movies became poor. Over the last year there has been intense media speculation that the break up was inevitable and rumours of Madonna's affairs flew over both sides of The Atlantic. Whilst Madonna churns out yet another similar sounding album Ritchie returns to form with the spectacular RocknRolla.

Whilst I have no gripes about Madonna's music (Though I did not like her last album) I do feel sorry for Guy. He has had to endure living in the shadow of Madonna whilst in his own right he is the best in his field. I wish them both well for the future and it leaves me with the question, can any superstar larger than life be happy in love?

None of my friends are into Medieval things or anything related to the period but from the 27-31 December this year the Tower of London is running 'Medieval Christmas' where you can learn and even sit with, albeit an actor, of Edward I and enjoy Christmas like it was 1284 and be entertained by court jesters and harlequins.

Then step outside into the cold and Iceskate in the tower ice rink. Anybody fancy joining me?

So I read in the newspaper today that the no strings holiday romance is becoming a thing of the past, because when people get home, lovelorn singletons immediately track down their fling on Facebook. 20% of British people who had a holiday romance this summer were later contacted by the other person through a social networking site.

I have only been on holiday with my two ex girlfriends so have never had a no strings attached holiday romance but it does ponder the question would you accept a friendship request from someone that you shagged on holiday?

Also would people tell the truth or lie about who they are in order to boast to the opposite sex just to get laid? Would their identity be blown if they gave them access to their facebook profile?

Anyone actually had this happen to them?

I sat in a bar this evening in Reykjavik, whilst sipping another beer contemplating my previous trips to Brazil and Bristol I was suddenly interrupted by a strange voice.

"Is anyone sitting here?", enquired a husky female voice

"No, please sit if you require", I replied. As the woman sat opposite me I took time to notice her strange appearance, long wispy hair that looked like it had been soaked in a cold morning dew, her eyes a dull blue that could be distinguished for grey in a darker light. Her facial features were distinctive but weathered with time.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yes I am, just thinking aloud in thought", I quickly replied

"About life?", she quizzed me without any haste

"Yes, life and it's direction" I stated with an air of comical authority and how perceptive this woman was.

The next 20 minutes were spent engaged in a conversation both heavy and also inquisitive on both parts, was she trying to chat me up or just helping another lost soul in her native island? Did I come to Iceland to seek refuge, trying to find an answer to my own heart that has since fallen down into a realm of despair? She seemed willing to ask me questions that those who have known me for decades would not dare, yet in her bravado and straight forward direction I knew that this woman would unlock the answer to the question.

"When were you last happy?" she said as she looked me deep in the eye

"1999" I replied in honesty, to which her reply was "When you were someone else?", she got me now.

Not someone else as in another personality, nor alter-ego but I remember when I was happy in life, the days when my friends would call me DS, which simply stood for Dark Soul. Maybe that was the Gothic phase of my life, but back then I would be the life and soul of any party, the comical attitude, the recklessness abandonment for authority and laws, the swagger that I carried was somewhat famous back 'In the day'

I felt a sudden ease with this woman akin to knowing her all her life yet she stoked something within me that I realised must change.

In the years when my friends would call me DS I was not so accommodating and hasty as I am now, I was more rebellious. These days people just use me and have no care at all for my feelings.

So to Suvi I say thank you for igniting the old DS fire within me.

Life suddenly just got a whole lot better.

The man who searched the world for peace

The man that could not die

The man whose soul was ripped apart

Yet never questioned why

The man who rose back from the flames

He soared towards the sun

The man who returned from whence he came

To live a life that had just begun

The man who hid within the shadows

Seeking retribution on those that left him for dead

The man whose eyes once green as grass

Now a vengeful blood filled red

The man whose karma is already sealed

By the actions erupting from his volcanic heart

The man who embraces his fate this eve

The man whose peace has yet to start

For the past several weeks, ever since the major bank collapse in the USA, the BBC news website has been dominated by stories of more fallen banks, solid financial businesses that are on there way out, mergers and of course it is all labeled as 'The Credit Crunch', that label in itself is another way of saying "Yes were in the mother fucking shit", but lately people have been comparing this to the great depression of 1929.

Now I was born a long time after this period but when I see footage and read newspaper clips about this time I seriously hope that the imbeciles that we vote in power can avoid this. We are some 70 years from those dark depressing days and surely we are now more worldly to avoid this. As I read the fact that the UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, is not followwng the Irish and German pattern of guranteeing savings from banks are we really heading for those dark days again?

Lets look at the Depression, unlike this time it was not deemed to be a surprise. The stock market turned upward in early 1930, returning to early 1929 levels by April, though still almost 30 percent below the peak of September 1929. Together, government and business actually spent more in the first half of 1930 than in the corresponding period of the previous year. But consumers, many of whom had suffered severe losses in the stock market the previous year, cut back their expenditures by ten percent, and a severe drought ravaged the agricultural heartland of the USA beginning in the northern summer of 1930.

Debt was the cause of the depression in 1929 and businesses were hit hard, unemployment went from 4.5 to 25% in 1933. Banks which had financed this debt began to fail as debtors defaulted on debt and depositors attempted to withdraw their deposits en masse, triggering multiple bank runs Government guarantees and Federal Reserve banking regulations to prevent such panics were ineffective or not used. Bank failures led to the loss of billions of dollars in assets. Outstanding debts became heavier, because prices and incomes fell by 20–50% but the debts remained at the same dollar amount. After the panic of 1929, and during the first 10 months of 1930, 744 US banks failed. (In all, 9,000 banks failed during the 1930s). By 1933, depositors had lost $140 billion in deposits.

This echos what is happening but the fact is that the world was a far different place back then. The USA was not a dominant superpower, Europe still held the mantle of being the financial leader of the world and the far east were nothing more than mere trading ports. Bank failures snowballed as desperate bankers called in loans which the borrowers did not have time or money to repay. With future profits looking poor, capital investment  and construction slowed or completely ceased. In the face of bad loans and worsening future prospects, the surviving banks became even more conservative in their lending. Banks built up their capital reserves and made fewer loans, which intensified deflationary pressures. A cycle developed and the downward spiral accelerated. This kind of self-aggravating process may have tuned a 1930 recession into a 1933 great depression. We are now at that point again. it must be avoided at all costs.

Shortly after President Roosevelt was inaugurated in 1933, drought and erosion combined to cause the Dust Bowl , shifting hundreds of thousands of people off their farms in the midwest. From his inauguration onward, Roosevelt argued that restructuring of the economy would be needed to prevent another depression or avoid prolonging the current one. New Deal programs sought to stimulate demand and provide work and relief for the impoverished through increased government spending and institute financial reforms.

But these new deals did not just end here, another recession followed in 1937 so the effect was not overnight. Only the arrival of WWII really put an end to such dramatic endings financially.

he massive rearmament policies to counter the threat from Hitler helped stimulate the economies of Europe in 1937-39. By 1937, unemployment in Britain had fallen to 1.5 million. The mobilization of manpower following the outbreak of war in 1939 finally ended unemployment.

In the United States, the massive war spending doubled the GNP, either masking the effects of the Depression or essentially ending the Depression. Businessmen ignored the mounting national debt and heavy new taxes, redoubling their efforts for greater output to take advantage of large government contracts. Productivity soared: most people worked overtime and gave up leisure activities to make money after so many hard years. People accepted rationing and price controls for the first time as a way of expressing their support for the war. Cost Increases in munitions contracts guaranteed businesses a profit no matter how many mediocre workers they employed or how inefficient the techniques they used. The demand was for a vast quantity of war supplies as soon as possible, regardless of cost. Businesses hired every person in sight, even driving sound trucks up and down city streets begging people to apply for jobs. New workers were needed to replace the 11 million working-age men serving in the military. These events magnified the role of the federal government in the national economy. In 1929, federal expenditures accounted for only 3% of GNP. Between 1933 and 1939, federal expenditure tripled, and Roosevelt's critics charged that he was turning America into a socialist state.

Surely we do not need another war to bail us out?!

Yesterday I had a interesting, and rather unusual, talk with a friend of mine about love. He was boasting about his latest conquest and how after 3 weeks of 'shagging her to death' he just dumped her by text. Before you all begin saying "Why have a friend like that", he does have his qualities but just not in love. Anyway...

He started saying that women to him were great to have sex with, he has had over 100 FB's (Or Fuck Buddies as he calls them). Women who, like him, just want a night of hard sex before leaving the next day. I've never had a FB nor do I ever want one.

The conversation continued until he turned to me and said "But what about you, you a fool in love aren't you?", that kind of stopped me in my tracks. He then carried on that this was the 21st century and women no longer liked being surprised with presents of flowers (something which I like to do a lot). He called me a 'helpless romantic' which is not the first time.

But the way I see it and this is purely open for discussion with anyone who reads this, is are his words true? Maybe the mists of time have clouded my judgement a little? Just like everyone else I too have a 'naughty and dark side' to my lovelife but I would rather keep that between the woman I love and myself, not share it as my friend does with 100 'FBs'.

I have a very unique imagination and the love life is never dull! Far from it!!! I look at my friend and think that in 60 years from now what will he be left with? A lifetime full of memories of all the wonderful FB's he had (and quite possibly a few STD's along the way), as for me I want to look at the person whom I love in the eyes and say "Happy 50th Anniversary darling" and yes the flowers and poems will continue.

Is the art of being romantic dead? What would you ladies have in life a romantic guy with a heart of gold or a man who treats you like dirt?

Over to you....

Eighties pop singer Rick Astley has become the surprise contender for best act ever at this year's MTV Europe Music Awards in Liverpool.

The star, who has never been nominated in the history of the event, is up against U2, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Green Day and Tokio Hotel.

The winner, chosen by fans online, will be unveiled at the show on 6 November.

Astley returned to prominence this year when internet users were "tricked" into watching the video of his biggest hit.

Sole nomination

A craze called "Rickrolling" saw web users unwittingly follow links to Astley's videos. It led to millions of plays of Astley's song Never Gonna Give You Up, which reached number one in the UK in 1987.

It went on to become a number one hit in 15 other countries.

"Rick's fans have obviously decided that he deserves recognition as a pop icon and no doubt they are determined to make sure he wins on the night," said the award show's producer Richard Godfrey.

So what are you waiting for? VOTE RICK!!!!

Lance Corporal Gyanendra Rai served more than 13 years with the 7th Gurkha Rifles and was seriously wounded in the Falklands conflict. Today, lawyers for L/Cpl Rai and other Gurkhas will again be in the High Court challenging the refusal of the British Government to let them settle automatically in this country.

In some cases, they have even been refused entry; others face deportation. Every country needs an immigration policy and we have argued that Labour's has been too lax. But there comes a point where a debt of honour must be paid.

When foreign criminals are allowed to stay here because their human rights preclude their removal and we are not only unable to eject terrorist suspects but even pay them benefits, the idea that men who have fought bravely for this country should have to beg for entry is grotesque.

In 2004, a concession was offered to foreign soldiers who have served at least four years, and for that the Government should be applauded.

However, the Gurkhas were uniquely badly treated. For them, the concession applies only to those discharged from the Army after the handover in 1997 to China of Hong Kong, where the brigade used to be based. Those discharged earlier can be admitted under a discretionary scheme but must have demonstrated strong ties to the UK.

How much stronger must they be than wearing the Queen's uniform and putting their lives on the line?