Dean's Blog

I have spent the best part of a week back where my parents live and also the small town where I grew up. The town is nothing special, in fact it is slightly famous for being a depressive place to live. Not much to do in the way of entertainment if you are young, several pubs, a half decent shopping precinct and a railway station.

When you have lived in cities with over ten million people, when you have traveled to some of the most beautiful places on the planet you often forget where you came from.

The past weekend I caught up with an old school friend, someone who I have not seen for a very long time. We then took part in something of a mini 'pub crawl' visiting several bars that I have often passed by. Many faces were seen that night, some were school friends who I had not seen for years, others were people I had never met before.

After the headache from the night had subsided in the morning I began to view the photos taken on my phone of the night, the pictures were hilarious. The night was one of pure enjoyment and fun. As I walked through the fields where I once played as a child to board my train back home I looked around, the familiar trees that we once climbed, the same goalposts where many a great goal was scored.

Some shops have long gone, some pubs have closed and many a place where we played as children have been replaced with new houses, yet one thing remains...

There is no place like home.

In the past I have often wondered how far a loving subject would go if a mother knew that her child had comitted a hideous crime?

Today I read of a woman who has been harassed by her local comunity for telling the police of her two children who had been bullying the local community for years. It got to the point where one of the children even murdered another yet the mother, feeling for the mother of the slain youth took her own children into the nearest police station.

They say that the bond between mother and child is the strongest there can ever be but I just wonder and I would like any mothers out there to answer this question.

If your child committed murder would you protect them or tell the police?

I read an interesting article today about how the retrosexual man is capturing the hearts once more amongst the women here in the UK.

During the 1970’s and 1980’s if a man so much as even admitted to using aftershave he would be ridiculed down the pub with by his friends. Even in the 90’s celebrities such as David Beckham increased the awareness of fashion, promoting men’s grooming products and fashion. Back in the day you would take a trip to the barbers for a short back and sides, these days you not only spend more than your girlfriend in the hair salon the ‘back, sack and crack’ routine are part of your daily profile.

But surveys compiled recently say women have had enough. They want a real man back in their lives. One who will go out to the pub without having a shave, one who knows his power tools rather than his beauty products.  When questioned in a poll 81% said they would rather have someone like Bruce Willis or Daniel Craig than a ‘new man’ such as Jude Law, and a rather poor 0% would go for a male moisturiser such as Orlando Bloom.

Those items that topped the poll in a must have in a man were protectiveness, heroism and strength. Time to throw away the razors and dig out the white vests guys.

Sometimes when life has battered you into near submission you need to escape and draw breath. Go to a place that feels as part of you as the land. Remove yourself from society so you find out who you are again and focus on your goals in life.

I am heading to 'that' place in my life this evening. I will be gone for several days but even the journey up will be time well spent. No people there to hassle me, nobody to distract me just clean air open mountains and paths that my feet have walked before.

Everyone has a place like this that we need to visit from time to time. It will feel good to be home.

It is not every so often that journalists exhaust the dictionary with their praise of human achievement but in the last week this has been the case. 'Brilliant', 'Sensational', 'Superb' are just many of the accolades that have been praised upon US swimmer Michael Phelps and his achievements in Beijing.

During my life I have seen many great sporting performances, Maradonna in the 1986 world cup, Tiger Woods in 2005 and Mike Tyson from 1985-1989. All three at the top of the tree, all three legends.

But this week Phelps has taken this to a new level, a level I doubt I will ever see again. To go to an Olympic Games and win a medal fulfills a lifetimes hard work, but to win eight and break seven world records in the process is something I feel in indescribable.

I am just sitting back and applauding an absolute genius, the definition of talent.

I have always been fascinated by mythical or mysterious creatures that have spawned legendary tales for decades. One of which is Bigfoot.

So my ears somewhat pricked up when I read that two American 'Bigfoot' hunters had not only seen one but caught it and have put the corpse in a freezer (picture above, I do apologise if this causes offence).

A press conference is due to be called today to reveal more of this astounding revelations. But, as usual, critics are citing this as a hoax saying that the body is either a gorilla costume or a rug. The creature stands around 7'7 tall and weighs in excess of 500 lbs.

It has been said this is a marketing stunt as the two hunters run a Bigfoot tour in Georgia.

Either way I feel that in the name of nature I hope that this is not a hoax as the form of evolution from Ape to Man is one that has always been a fascination of mine. So if it is an elaborate hoax, lock these two up, if not then a lifetime of fame awaits.

These are taken from a book I am reading about some bizzare ways people have died

In 1993, Sipho Mdletshe was declared dead after being in a road traffic accident in South Africa and then spent two days in a metal box in a mortuary before his cries alerted staff. Afterwards his fiancee refused to see him thinking he was a zombie who had returned from the dead to haunt her!

On the day Holland lost to France in the 1996 European Football championships there was a 50% increase in fatal heart attacks amongst dutch men. Not surprisingly the mortaility rate for women was unaffected.

In 2005 childrens entertainer Marion Pistol - known for his giant blow up Elephant Colonel Jumbo - was killed when driving along a Californian Highway on his way to a party. As he sped down the freeway the 20ft inflatable Elephant began to inflate, filling the cab and causing him to crash.

Yet for me the best one is

In March 1992 Russian Chess Grandmaster Gudkov outwitted and checkmated a computer opponent three times is a row at a highly publicised tournament in Moscow. Next time he touched the machine however it electrocuted him, killing him in the process.

Whilst eating in my local pub today I had the fortune of picking up someones discarded newspaper. As I read about the ongoing Russia/Georgian war and the Olympics I turned to page 33 and read 'The Entertainment' section.

There was a rather tedious two page article about Lindsay Lohan wearing leggings and how she has produced her own line in fashion and made the leggings 'More popular than ever'. Whilst my heart bled for the poor journalist who had to write such gutter journalism my head was turned to the 'And finally section'.

This section is usually reserved for the stories too tedious, those that are not worthy of gracing even a paragraph.

Amongst the sightings of minor Z list celebrities my heart sank when I read the final two lines.

"Finally Paul Newman an old actor has apparently gone home to die of cancer'

Fuck me with a blowpipe.

Don't get me wrong whilst I really do not give two shits about Miss Lohan and her leggings surely the last weeks of such an iconic legend merits more than the piss poor effort above. Give him his own pull out magazine, his own four page spread.

Have we really sunk this low in remembering those who actually HAVE talent?

Do you know something that really makes me angry? I'll tell you.

Everyone has their right to walk past a homeless person. There is no obligation to give money to someone you do not know. I know that even in the past I have been more than charitable and given out money to a homeless person only to see them spend it straight on the strongest cider available.

I often give money to several charities but the two things that are really pissing me off lately are firstly charity collectors. Ok I give money to the blind, animal cruelty, children that have been abused and now and again any country that has suffered from a natural disaster. This does not make me a saint but I like to do my bit.

Here in the UK you will often be stopped by a student in the street who will ask you for a bit of your time, they will then read off a script about how a small donation can help the various charity, etc. But these days if you are not interested then they are becoming SO abusive. Just the other day I was stopped by a woman collecting for the WWF, I already said I gave to the RSPCA but she just went off on one saying that my money spent on beer could be better spent, what right does she have to tell me how to spend my money? I would have thought about it if she was not so rude.

These collectors get paid on a comission basis so the more donations the more they get paid. It makes me think do they really care?

The second thing that gets on my nerves is when guys who know they are in a flashy suit, they know they are well off walk past a homeless person in a group of two or three then give them not even enough money to buy a bar of chocolate and say "Be grateful". Just as a funny statement to their friends. Idiots.

Sorry....rant over.